it's a feeling deep inside.

i cant explain to you how i feel in words.
words can't even express how i feel.
i think.

you make me smile.
you make me laugh.
you make me feel loved.
you make me feel different.
you make my heart beat faster.
you make my world go round.
you make the stars shine.
you make the sun bright.
you make the moon glow.
you make the wind blow.
you make me love you.
- but do you love me too?

is this a feeling of love?
or just a thought of a great friendship?
cuhs im not sure.
what is love? is it this?
if it is, then i love love.
but the thing is i can't love you.
but i think i do.
& at the same time im not sure.
im so lost, i dont know where to start.

i love you, i think.
no wait i dont, but i think i do.
wait, do you love me too?
this makes no sense, but to me it really does.
but i still dont know.


it's just a feeling deep inside.
& i can't seem to uncover it.

... <3>

unexpected.

i haven't smiled in the longest.
i haven't laughed in the longest.
well, i have, but i didnt really mean it.
how much longer could i go?
it gets worse everyday.
let's rewind & freeze.
tell me what went wrong.
tell me how to fix this.
that day, why that day?
whats so special there?
i finally smiled, & meant it.
you see me again.
& you noticed.
even one word can mean so much to me.
because of whats going on.
does this mean everything you previously said changed?
even just a little?
what does this mean?
those little phrases or just those words.
just made my day.
i dont know how to explain it, but it did.
i still dont know what it means though.
because all of it came;



unexpectedly.

lately i dont even know who i am.
i mean it's like i dont know anything anymore.
everything was going by fine, until i finally woke up and noticed the real world.
i finally realized all the troubles i have waiting at my door.

i was so close to complete & true smiles.
i was so close to real happiness.
i was so close to the "one".
i was so close to the perfect day.
i was so close to understanding who i am.
i was so close to having my dream come true.
i was so close to finding answers.
i was so close, but where'd i go wrong?

people tell me that everything happens for a reason.
& i believe that.

and all i want is to know is what my reason is for this.
what did i do to deserve this?
why do i deserve this?
why does this always happen to me?
why ?

im like a magnet.
instead of attracting metals, i attract problems.
as much as i want to avoid them, they always happen to find me.
it's like we were destined.

it's so hard to explain how im feeling.
because there's so many things i have in my mind.
- friends, family, graduation, high school, you (etc,).

i just wanna go away, you know?
i wanna be alone for a while, get everything straight.
but i cant seem to find the opprotunity too.
i can fix this, i know i can. but the question is how?

everyday i have this in thought.
& everyday i only get weaker.
my emotions are slowly killing me.
theyre killing me from the inside out.
what do i do? im dying, i wanna give up.
but whats stopping me?




.. i surrender.