they just don't know it .

i thought this was my time. my time to start new, and good. my beginning was good for like a while, then it always has to start crashing down again. underestimation is how it always starts and there's nothing i can do to change it. i feel so alone, even with a group of people. they don't know me . i feel so lost, so confused.

i need that person that has my back.
that person that you can go to with anything, anytime.
that person that helps you up when you've fallen.
that person that loves you at your worst.
that person that does't leave your side.

you know? basically, that "best friend."
i have one, or thought i did. but everytime i just end up falling harder & harder.
why me? what did i do now? why does this happen to me?

"i hate lonliness, but it loves me ."

i can't do this alone any longer. i'm already at the point to where i cry. & the funniest thing is no one notices. no one realizes what i go through or what i'm feeling. i hide it everytime, but i don't know how long i can keep going. sureee, i smile, but do i mean it ? sometimes.

normally i'm just dying inside. well most of the time i am.

i need someone who understands.

i found some people that could, but i think i'm wasting their time.

i hate myself, i make everything so complicated.

maybe i was destined to face life alone. maybe not.

who knows? cause i don't. *sigh .. fuuck my life .

i wish i was worth it. i wish i was worth having a best friend. or whatever you call it.